The Calamari Wrestler: A Surreal Dive into Japanese Sports Comedy

Ah, the sports movie! It is a right of passage in every young man's life. Yes, they are all basically the same and yes they all follow a virtually identical plot arc. But nevertheless I sincerely doubt there is a single breathing male out there who does not have a serious bond to at least one of these things. Slapshot? The Natural? Bull Durham? Round these parts Major League has become a regular ritual amongst a certain circle of friends. While The Calamari Wrestler may not break any new ground in terms of plot - the basic cycle is as by the book as is humanly possible - the hero, at least, is the most unique you will ever see.

Only the Japanese could come up with something as bizarre as this!

ПОДВОДНАЯ БИТВА ТИТАНОВ кашалот против гигантского кальмара

If you enjoy ridiculous giant cephalopods AND pro wrestling, this movie is for you! It's probably NOT for anyone else though! Giant squid wrestler.........you could only get away with that in Japan.

Кадр из фильма Calamari Wrestler

The Plot Unfurls

The story opens in a noisy arena. A championship match between two Japanese wrestlers has just come to an end, and the belt is about to be handed over. It is the championship match for the Japanese Pro Wrestling belt and although it is a fantastic match the arena is only half full. As the match winds to its climatic conclusion Koji Taguchi emerges victorious and is presented his long sought after championship belt only to be knocked to the ground and have it taken from him by an unannounced and unexpected competitor: a giant squid!

Suddenly, a giant squid takes the stage! The squid proceeds to take down the new champion, and claim the belt for himself. Taguchi engages the squid in battle but is soundly defeated. Although this was not an endorsed bout and Taguchi retains his championship belt he has been publicly shamed and thirsts for revenge … and the squid?

This single brazen act sends the squid skyrocketing to fame, he'll have to fight off the managers who don't want him fighting, the wrestler he defeated the first time, a giant octopus his own size, and a similarly giant mantis shrimp. Even as public opinion of him soars, can he beat the odds?

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But this isn't just any old piece of Calamari; this is Kan-ichi Iwata, former champion who was forced to retire with a terminal illness. Now he's returned to claim his title. He also hopes to reconnect with his former girlfriend Miako, who's now dating his rival Koji Taguchi.

A Familiar Story with a Cephalopod Twist

By plot it's entirely paint by numbers. You've got your brash young upstart with the troubled past, the romantic interest, the rise in popularity and public support, the early success and rise to riches followed by complacency followed by the extended training sequence and grand triumph of the spirit. There's nothing here you haven't seen countless times before it's just that in this case it all revolves around a cephalopod.

For the first half of the film, everything builds up towards the big rematch to determine who will hold the title belt. The match, when it comes, features a hilarious twist, and it's not over yet. Iwata's spot at the top is now threatened by an even more formidable opponent; the utterly merciless Squilla Boxer. Can the Calamari wrestler keep his title with the help of a former foe? And what's up with his promoter?

Постер фильма Calamari Wrestler

Absurdity and Humor

Let's lay this right up front. The Calamari Wrestler is not a 'good' movie by any stretch. It is, however, a very fun one. Yes, it is a one trick pony and the film has a tendency to drag when it gets outside the ring but in the ring - whether squid on man, squid on octopus or squid on squilla - it's a blast. Any film that gives a ring announcer an excuse to shout out lines like “Joint locks don't work on an invertebrate! He's too slippery!” is, frankly, okay by me.

I fear the purposeful humour was lost on me, but i laughed heartily in places........mainly at the Squids wrestling matches and the love scenes. Yeah thats right, a squid wrestling and fuckin. From the director who brought you EXECUTIVE KOALA here comes another gem, this time about wrestling seafood. If you find a man in arubbery squid costume endlessly amusing then this is your kind of film. It's definitely mine.

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Ridiculous; that's the only way to describe this movie. The costumes, the fights, the whole premise- utterly ridiculous. And that's exactly what the filmmakers intended. If the name alone didn't tell you that something is up, then you probably don't speak English. This is the kind of production that only the Japanese could make.

Deadpan Delivery and Parody

Now this may sound like the kind of schlock fest where the writers count on the characters to get laughs because of what they are, rather than what they do. You know, the kind of thing that seems like a high school play, where you'd enjoy it more if you were close friends with the actors. But that's not how this turned out at all.

Out of all the approaches the filmmakers could have taken to the humor, they chose to do it completely deadpan. Every scene is played entirely strait, and I can't imagine how the actors kept from cracking up. Another thing that the filmmakers have done an outstanding job of is parodying the 'sport' of pro wrestling.

Every aspect is lampooned here, from the outsize egos of the wrestlers, to the execs' obsession with ratings and merchandising revenue, to the wacky, scripted story lines. The fans don't escape the treatment either. In numerous interviews they come off as hopelessly devoted to their idols in the ring. Especially hilarious is the newscast from the market Iwata frequents, in which the shop owners do everything they can to cash in on the buzz surrounding him. At the same time, the movie's surprisingly honest about the bloodlust that drives many fans. Comparisons with This is Spinal Tap may not be farfetched.

Technical Aspects

The film itself is, surprisingly, not as low rent as you might think. Oh, sure, it's not going to win an Oscar for effects or anything and the squid suit, with human legs clearly visible out the bottom, is clearly intended to be played for laughs but the suit is also strangely expressive thanks to some solid facial pupetteering. Pathfinder's R1 DVD release is solid.

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The film gets an anamorphic transfer, a little bit grainy but I believe that's an issue with the source more than the transfer itself. You get the original Japanese audio with optional English subtitles. The subs read well and are nice and clear. You also get a making of featurette and a music video.

Themes and Interpretations

Urged by a reader and previous buzz, I finally managed to watch the Calamari Wrestler. The movie is an over-the-top satire of Rocky with a Star Wars twist finish. Fortunately it is much better than the festering heap of movie, Rocky XXXIV. The Calamari Wrestler is from the hills of Pakistan and may be related to the Pacific Northwest Tree Octopus.

Kan-Ichi easily defeats his first opponent due to the fact “joint locks don’t work on an invertebrate, they’re too slippery” and because he is “incapable of fighting to lose.” There is the antagonist who claims, “You’re no hero! You’re just an ugly, disgusting, giant squid!” and urges him to take a dive in match. “By seeing a mysterious creature defeated, anxiety will turn into hope.” A minor subplot involves Kan-Ichi’s girlfriend overcoming her fear of loving a squid and the Calamari Wrestler waking in a cold sweat from dream about her.

The attack-squid-turned-good-guy is actually the MIA Kan-ichi Iwata, who has morphed into a calamari with the assistance of monks, because his lust for Miyako was distractive enough to hinder his wrestling career. Obsessed Koji grows increasingly nasty and jealous in private life, spurring Miyako to dump him and flee into the tentacles of her past paramour--that's her doing the shower-stall shimmy with the ten-armed Kan-ichi--making Koji even more bitter.

So much so, for his official bout against Calamari, he attempts to top the transformed Kan-ichi at his own game, becoming a nine-foot octopus! Yes, oceanography fans, it's the highly anticipated squid vs octopus duel we've all dreamt about for ages. Prevailing once again, Cal has little time to rest on his laurels, as evildoers attempting to cop his crown have Squilla Boxer, a pugilistic prawn with a lightning punch, publicly assault the now-popular champion on the street.

Repentant reverted-to-human Koji helps train still-squid Kan-ishi, the latter getting his can kicked by Squilla until morphing back into a man and crushing the crustacean...who in turn also regenerates to human form and is Godozan...who reveals, much to the shock of each, Koji and Kan-ishi are brothers--and he's their father!!! And he succeeded!

Godozans character is clearly based on Rikidozan, the real-life kingpin of Japanese wrestling--he even beat Lou Thesz--until stabbed to death by an underworld hood in a Tokyo nightclub. So, relax; even if the whole works is a put-on, the ring action is far from cartoonish. Or at least as far as you can get with guys in giant rubber costumes.

Final Verdict

Best sports movie ever? Nope. Best giant wrestling squid movie ever?

Let the match begin!

tags: #the #calamari #wrestler